Back in October Coast to Coast AM host George Noory received an on-the-air call from Doreen Crain (Dodie), Dan Burisch’s mother, who told him that her son’s story of working in a top-secret unit at Area 51 was true. Despite his non-response to our invitation to sit for a polygraph test and the discrepancies in Dan’s story that were pointed out by George Knapp and Jared Schenke in our previous issue (
Vol. 19, No. 4) and the lack of any real documentation, Dodie Crain said that her son was telling the truth. She wants to hear from her son, she says, wants to hear that he’s all right and not a thought-controlled tool of the Men in Black. This is all ground we’ve covered before and no one knows anything, right? Different wags fly different flags (see the letter to the editor). Nevertheless, in the merry spirit of reconciliation and good will that permeates the holiday season, I thought that if Danny could sit down and pen a few lines to his parents from his encampment at Area 51, here’s what he might say: You can sing along if you know the tune. (With apologies to Alan Sherman.)
Hello fader, hello muder,
I’ve been taken by the odders.
D’ey came down here in a way-pod,
Telepathically, the leader says he’s J-Rod.
Now they came here from our future
Needing Band-aids and a suture
’Cause their skins are scabs and peeling
And they came here hoping we can get them healing.
You’re complaining, I’m not calling
But my job here is appalling,
If you knew how hard I’m working
You would never think I’m hiding out and shirking.
Beam me out, O mudder, fadder, drive me home
I don’t like the J-Rods
’Cause they stink and ooze
Inside their dome.
It’s so sad that no one trusts me
And the skeptics want to bust me
But you guys must stop complaining
’Cause I can’t come home until I finish training.
So I beg you not to worry
Even though my work is gory
And someday I’ll tell my story
But I’ll only tell it to my friend George Noory.
